Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You can't motorboat a personality
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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