well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
