He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
