We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize