just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
