Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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