just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
