the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
