Where did you get a picture of my penis
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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