Having a random hookup so left but love u
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
