Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
