There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
