he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
