My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
