Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
