I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
