I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
