I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
