the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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