I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
where are you?
Hypothermia
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
