Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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