who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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