I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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