I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
