I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There's always time for handjobs
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
