It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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