he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
