Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
