you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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