We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
