grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
