This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
