Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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