Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
