My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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