Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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