Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
