I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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