The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
