I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
