return my video game
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
