she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
