She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
