party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
