Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You can't just leave with hair like that
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
