my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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