Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
