There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
