Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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