how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
