God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
