i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
