You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
