Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize