i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
