Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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