Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
