you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
