I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
