So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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