Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
