How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
