I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
