there's paper in my vomit.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
