Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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