Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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