i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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