Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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