I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
