I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
