pedialite and red bull = repair kit
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
NoShamevember. You game?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
