while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
