a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
