I puked a lego.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
