i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
