Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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