Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Those nachos came to me in a dream
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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