Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
