it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize