If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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