Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
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